Up and Down

These week has been such a roller coaster ride and my emotions have been all over the place. I've had some really great moments and some really bad ones. I'll start with the crazy things that have happened because I like to end things on a good note :)...

My week started off with an awful drawing by one of my little boys. During Science class I saw that he was doodling so I cruised over to his seat to see what was more interesting than my Science lesson -- I was so disturbed by what I saw. This little boy drew a man (who's face was scarred and mauled) holding a dead small child by the neck in one hand and a pistol in the other. He even drew bullets coming out of the gun. At the bottom of the page there were two tomb stones with crosses coming out of both of them. On the crosses he had written the names of two other students in the class. Yikes!! So Wendy went over to question him in Spanish about the drawing. He told her that it was a bad drawing about a demon and that the demon man had just killed his girlfriend. His mom (who works at the school) was then informed and she also talked to him. After she was finished talking with him she told Wendy that he thought it was normal and didn't see anything wrong with the drawing. Ayiyi!

My students witness and hear about so much violence it's insane. They show dead bodies in the newspapers, on the news, and some of my kids have witnessed it first hand. The other day when they were at recess two of my boys lined up 5 or 6 other students and then whipped out their fake guns and shot them all dead. It's so disturbing to see them play like that. It makes me sick to my stomach and my heart ache. Whenever I see them acting out those kinds of things I encourage them to play something else and tell them I don't like seeing it, but the truth is I don't have a lot of control over what they play during their free time.

The worst part of all of this is that I've seen that violence spilling over into my classroom. I have kids viciously hitting one another daily. On Tuesday a little boy in my class wanted to draw in another little boys journal and when the child refused he hit him repeatedly in the face until the other kid was in tears. He was put on red and sent to the office. After he calmed down he was sent back in only to get into a fight with Miss Varela (Wendy). He wanted to get water and when she told him he needed to wait he proceeded to get up and tip his desk and chair over. I'm just speechless when this stuff keeps repeatedly happening. I've had endless conferences with parents and talks with the students but it still continues.

Well today was the straw that broke the camels back. One of my little guys today bit another child so hard that he had an instant, very visible, bruise. Our Honduran directora Flavia called me, Wendy, Rosita, Yohely, and Silvia (our "dean") into her office to discuss the aggression issues with the first grade class. She is very concerned and is calling a meeting with all of the parents next Thursday night. We're going to meet as a group again next Tuesday to discuss how we will address different issues at the meeting. One of the major problems we're having is that parents don't punish their kids at home.

For example -- during my after school tutoring session on Wednesday one of my little boys wanted to use the bathroom. I let him go and 5 minutes later when he still wasn't back in my classroom I knew I needed to go down to the boys bathroom and hurry him along. So I wrote some math problems on the board for the other 7 students in my classroom and ran down to get him. When I got to the bathroom I quickly realized he wasn't there. So I figured he was playing in another classroom or doing something else he shouldn't be. So I start checking nearby classrooms as I'm yelling for him. As I'm making my way back towards my classroom I pop in and ask both Anne and Jackie if they've seen him. When they both say no I start to panic. Jackie could tell I was freaked out so she went into to my classroom to make sure the other kids were doing their work as I continued to search for this kid. Then before I knew it Jackie, Peggy, and Brenda (the other prepa teacher) are all looking for him. After about 10 minutes we still couldn't find him. I just started to well up with tears because the first thing that popped into my mind was that he was kidnapped and it was my fault. By this time his dad is at the school to pick him up. Just as I'm about to go into the office to talk to his dad one of my other kids yells "Here he is Miss King!" OMG--I can't even begin to describe to you the relief I felt when I saw his face, but shortly after I was just furious with him. He had hidden in Rosita's room and heard us calling for him but chose not to come out. When Peggy talked to his dad about it he basically just acted like it was no big deal and they went home. It's just ridiculous! They let a lot of things go and that makes every day in first grade a battle!

But it's a battle worth fighting, because...

José Alberto, who is one of my more challenging students came into my classroom on Tuesday and straightened all of my desks for me. The desks are always sliding across the floor and end up all over the place by the time recess rolls around. Many of the kids see me straightening them multiple times a day so they're starting to know how I like them to be. It was just so sweet of Alberto to come in during his free time to do that for me. That's what I hold onto when he refuses to take his spelling test, punches another student, or just flat out tells me he isn't going to do something.

My kids are speaking more English everyday and it's so exciting! Many of them are activity trying to read English words and during Journal time more students are asking me how to say and write things in English. It's so wonderful to see that kind of progress!

In Science we've been talking about plants and animals. The lesson on Tuesday was all about how animals with flat teeth eat plants and animals with sharp teeth eat other animals. The kids seemed pretty bored with it so I decided to show them the 5 minute clip I have from my safari in Kenya. That way they could see some of the animals we had been talking about. They all sat on the floor in front of me and watched it from my laptop. As soon as the video started their little faces just lit up! They were oohing and aahing and shouting excitedly when they saw an animal they thought was particularly interesting. I was so overwhelmed with joy in that moment. It felt like coming full circle in a small way. It was incredible to me that I was bringing a small piece of Africa to my students in Honduras. What a blessing!

Yesterday we were practicing for the spelling test that I gave the students today. Kimberly who struggles A LOT with her letters and letter sounds came up to the board to spell the word "mow". Usually I have to really emphasize the sound and spell the letter with my finger so she can then copy it with the dry erase marker. Yesterday she seemed to understand what she needed to do so I let her try it on her own. I watched in awe as she wrote "m--o--w". I couldn't believe it! I just looked at her and said "KIMBERLY!!! GOOD JOB! You did such a good job!" and then out of no where the whole class clapped for her. As she walked back to her seat with a smile on her face and her head held high a few girls came over to hug her and give her a pat on the back. Gosh it makes me cry just retelling it. It was a moment I will never forget!

Today the journal question was "How are people and animals alike?" Most of the kids drew pictures of an animal and a person and tried to write the name of the animal they drew to get their sticker for the day, but Alejandra wrote "Weat" and when I asked her what that meant she said "We eat". I was ecstatic. That's the first thing she's written in English in her journal and it made perfect sense. We both eat :)!

Lastly...

Most days some of my girls come into my classroom to give me a small flower or weed, but yesterday they brought me this beautiful little bushel:

I had it on my desk for the rest of the day and it just made me so happy. I live for those little moments!

"Life's not always beautiful but it's a BEAUTIFUL ride"...

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting" - Ralph Waldo Emerson